i like text posts. but no one else does. so i made this.

khaleesri:

"no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel. 

(via youareabadger)

Notes
75832
Posted
1 week ago

v0ciferation:

checks grades

*bastille voice* how am i gonna be an optimist about this

(via petrrcapaldi)

Notes
174069
Posted
1 week ago

monicalewinsky1996:

one time a white student from the university in my home town was talking to a student that came from africa to study and said “wow growing up in africa must have been so tough for you” and he just replied “my family could buy you” and walked away

(via spudsgood)

Notes
182152
Posted
2 weeks ago

averypottermormon:

animateglee:

oomshi:

the bible said adam AND eve so i slept with them both

Well it’s the Bible, not the Straightble, I’m just following the book.

I’M GONNA CRY

(via abbbington)

Notes
342262
Posted
1 month ago

officialunitedstates:

Imagine a butterfly talking.  Imagine a butterfly gently landing on your shoulder and whispering the Gettysburg Address in your ear

(via spudsgood)

Notes
8271
Posted
1 month ago

beerito:

are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?

(via spudsgood)

Notes
373045
Posted
1 month ago

getoffmybloghoe:

Love is lame tbh, it only gets you like 7 points in scrabble

(via spacevortex)

Notes
129274
Posted
1 month ago

iapollogise:

I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.

(via oxfordlings)

Notes
147616
Posted
1 month ago

andrewpauldost:

what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”

(Source: grossr5, via moanstiel)

Notes
204125
Posted
1 month ago

hippiebabysitterr:

today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”

to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older

they were going to get fakes to buy fish

(via spudsgood)

Notes
214163
Posted
1 month ago